There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
