The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
