just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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