I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
