Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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