He uses pillows to masturbate.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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