just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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