At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
