The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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