So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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