You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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