I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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