Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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