you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
