seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
