u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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