yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
