Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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