Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize