Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
