I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your cock deserves a montage
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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