I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
