I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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