Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
