Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
