went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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