Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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