dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
