It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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