So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
