every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
