My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
