You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
