Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
