weddingsv make me drug and hornr
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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