fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
