i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
