Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My ATM looks so different sober.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
