I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
