i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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