You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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