it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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