i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
