I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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