If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
