First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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