I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found the puke drawer
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
