There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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