Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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