I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
