I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
