Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
