Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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