I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
