i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
