There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize