Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
