Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
