Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
