MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
