so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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