I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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