I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
