So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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