We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
