the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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