Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize