the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
