I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize