After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
