Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
