My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
