It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
