I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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