let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
