it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
