I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize