When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
