life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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