the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
