Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
